Sunday, August 21, 2016

Some Janky Magic Items

Roll d20

  1. a wooden mask
  2. the Homokaryotic Hammer
  3. the Tower Staff
  4. something porcelain
  5. a blank stone book
  6. a cracked writing slate
  7. the Sheath of Goldblood
  8. Soul Separator
  9. the divining top
  10. a bag of rune stones
  11. Considerable Cubes
  12. Awful Agar
  13. a tiny door
  14. a document wallet
  15. the Monster Book
  16. a bag of broken things
  17. a book of signatures
  18. a wind up bird
  19. a lone playing card
  20. the traitor coin




1. a wooden mask

This is a featureless mask of rough, unvarnished hardwood. When worn it turns to soft, pliable flesh. The mask can be commanded to take the form of anyone who has ever spoken a lie. When removed it returns to wood. There is a chance it takes something with it after each use. A tooth maybe, an eye.

2. the Homokaryotic Hammer

The Homokaryotic hammer is dank to the touch. Fungi sprout from the wounds left by the hammer. Striking a rotting log with the hammer will summon an army of mushroom men.

3. the Tower Staff

This is an unvarnished stick of sandalwood. Some kid has been using it for whittling practice. Along its length is a crowded mish-mash of squashed windows, crooked stairways and lumpy trellises. The tower staff can be entered, if you can find the squat, misplaced door. Once entered it can be climbed. Many creatures live in the staff and they are not hospitable to outsiders. These creatures are commanded by the chancellors of the staff. It is the chancellor's duty to fuel the considerable magical abilities of the staff, though they have grown lax in their duties over the years. The chancellors can be convinced to return to work if cowed or persuaded.

Every weapon within the staff can be entered and improved just like the staff itself. The weapons within those weapons can be entered as well. It is possible to lose yourself in this way.

Upon emerging from the tower doubts begin to form. Is our own world nothing but a forgotten staff?

4. something porcelain

Roll d6
  1. A porcelain brain. This is a three dimensional map of a human brain cast in porcelain. It is stained with neat, colour coded labels. The labels make no medical sense. If decoded they reveal the thoughts of the last person the brain's owner lied to while holding the brain, at the moment that the lie was made.
  2. A porcelain face. This sympathetic face will commiserate with you on any sad story you tell it. Then it will tell you another sad story that someone else told it once. 2% chance to be extremely useful story. Others completely useless. No repeat stories.
  3. Twin monkeys. If these monkeys are left alone in a room facing each other they will howl and scream until smashed.
  4. Twin dogs. These dogs will always turn to face one another, no matter the distance.
  5. A dainty hand. This dainty hand disappears any item placed in its grip. It will only return items to their original owners. Smashing the hand will unleash a landslide of useless junk (+some good stuff?).
  6. Ambiguous flower. This flower looks kind of like a lot of different flowers. No written words can be understood while it is within eyeshot.


5. a blank stone book

The pages of this book are thin stone tablets. It is bound with knotted leather cords. Skeletons bow and grovel in the presence of the book.

6. a cracked writing slate

This slate has an unpleasant aura. It attracts the eye. Anything written or drawn upon the slate will be remembered perfectly by the author as long as the marks remain upon the slate. The memory is purged completely and utterly the moment its marks are removed from the slate.

7. the Sheath of Goldblood

This white sheath is decorated golden filigree depicting the Houndslayer's most glorious achievements (including the slaying of the hounds themselves). It does not currently contain a sword. If a sword is removed from the sheath, whoever did so is immediately removed from reality and Goldblood, the Houndslayer, appears immediately in their place. Goldblood's skill with a sword is beyond compare, and he is eager to use his skills after so many years.

Whomever was lost to the sheath will not return until Goldblood replaces the sword - causing himself to disappear and be replaced by the one that summoned him. It is not easy to convince Goldblood to replace the sword. Indeed, the longer he is free the more obvious it becomes that he is not the real Goldblood, but instead a cracked and dangerous copy.

If a second sword is sheathed and drawn before the first sword has been replaced then this will summon a second Goldblood an identical manner to the summoning of the first. Same goes for the fourth, fifth, sixth...

Any meeting between Goldbloods is bound to get ugly fast.

There is already at least one Goldblood loose in the world. There are a corresponding number of souls already trapped within the sheath.

8. Soul Separator

This is a warped, dull stake of metal. If stuck in a corpse the corpse will animate and obey whomever holds the stake. The corpse's ghost will appear. It will not obey, or appreciate, the stake.

9. the divining top

This is a chipped wooden toy. The paint is faded. If a question is whispered to the top then spun on a dungeon floor it will lead the way for as long as the spin lasts.

10. a bag of rune stones

This is a leather pouch full of stones. On each is inscribed an ancient symbol. With study and drugs these runes can be learned and understood. When the stones are dropped upon a piece of written text they will spell out the text's meaning.

11. Considerable Cubes

This is a collection of nine inch-wide pine cubes bound up in a single block. The cubes can be broken off from the block. They grow rapidly in size moments later, becoming great stone obstacles, two meters wide, with considerable weight.

12. Awful Agar

This is an bag of unremarkable white powder. When tipped into a body of water the water begins to writhe and churn, growing and growing until it fills the room with gelatinous, acidic gunk. The whole mess animates and attempts to eat everybody.

13. a tiny door

This little door in a little door frame. When placed against a real door and opened, a miniature diorama of the other side can seen through the door.

14. a document wallet

This rose-embroidered folio keeps papers secure from any damage. It immolates its contents whenever it hears a lie.

15. the Monster Book

A child's sketchbook. On every page that isn't just unintelligible scribbling is a monster. Any page ripped out on the book will turn into the monster is depicts within a minute. Monsters from the monster project are good monsters.

16. a bag of broken things
This is a bag of weird, obviously broken, objects. Upon encountering a broken thing you may produce the piece needed to fix it from the bag. Works once per lifetime per person. ALTERNATIVELY its owner may add to the bag, becoming a PALADIN OF THE SUNDER, gaining all abilities of that class and gaining XP for destroyed objects in place of gold/monstakills.

17. a book of signatures
This is a tatty book full of signatures. One per page. Once their signature is requested by the wielder of the book one must either comply or save VS shenanigans to resist.

18. a wind up bird
This is a painted wind up bird. It walks around and sings a silly song that lasts for about a minute when wound. No one can be killed or even lose consciousness as long as they can hear the bird's song.

19. a lone playing card
The rest of this card's deck has long since disappeared. It's pretty tatty. The card will burn the forehead of anyone cheating at a contest within it's view (Examples - Backstabs. Steroids. Slight of hand.). Maybe found pinned to the front of a shield?

20. the traitor coin
This coin looks kind of like a lot of other coins. No-one can accept a deal as long as this coin is a part of the exchange.

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